he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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