a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
