anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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