she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
