Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
