OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There was a lot of him and a little penis
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry about my life...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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