Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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