The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
