And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
