She is in my trunk
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
