I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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