Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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