I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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