Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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