2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
there is glitter all over my balls
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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