Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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