You really coming over, don't trick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
