What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I party with great urgency now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
