Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
