I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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