She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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