Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
