I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My bed smells like the plague
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