when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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