So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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