What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
