I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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