i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
