Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
