I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
