these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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