Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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