Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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