Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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