You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
