I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
