I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
