GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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