I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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