How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
