I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
