It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
