my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
