Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
