I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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