Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this boner is exhausting
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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