how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
