New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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