NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
