Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
