I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
