i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
