oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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