Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.

Fav 3 1857 989
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(205): View more from Alabama

what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant

Fav 38 952 3188
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(917): View more from New York City

I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.

Fav 8 3246 856
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(913): View more from Kansas

The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.

Fav 22 8682 1102
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over

Fav 32 1819 5809
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(859): View more from Kentucky

$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.

Fav 38 5515 1098
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(360): View more from Washington

You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.

Fav 8 1768 761
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?

Fav 2 846 631
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(815): View more from Illinois

At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here

Fav 2 447 320
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