And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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