It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
