Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
