Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
