where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
