For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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