We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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