I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
