So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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