I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
