i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
