So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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