That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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