I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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