Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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