Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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