Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
